This was inspired by the recent file making its rounds on the Net describing how to shoot yourself in the foot in a variety of programming languages. Now, the madness is extended to operating systems:

Unix:
You shoot yourself in the foot.

DOS:
You keep running up against the one-bullet barrier.

MS-Windows:
The gun blows up in your hand.

Windows NT:
The gun is so huge and unwieldy that you have to keep swapping it from one hand to the other.

OS/2:
The gun and the bullet aren't speaking to each other any more.

Mac Finder:
It's easy to shoot yourself in the foot -- just point and shoot.

AIX:
You can shoot yourself in the foot with either a .38 or a .45.

IRIX:
The Terminator shoots you in the foot. A T-Rex bites your other foot.

SVR4:
The gun isn't compatible with your foot.

Minix:
You learn how to shoot yourself in the foot with a Saturday Night Special.

Linux:
Generous programmers from around the world all join forces to help you shoot yourself in the foot for free.

HURD:
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot Real Soon Now.

VM/CMS:
IBM shoots you in the foot.

VMS:
\FOOT\ ambiguous: supply more toes.

AMIGA-DOS:
The gun works pretty well, except that few people use one and it's impossible to find bullets.

Mach:
The bullets work pretty well, but they don't make guns for it any more.

Cray:
You shoot yourself in the foot with an Uzi.

MasPar:
You shoot all of your friends' feet simultaneously.

by Jeremy Elson (jelson@condor.cs.jhu.edu)

Back to Entertainment Page